Danielle's Dream

Danielle was a client I had been tattooing for nearly a decade. When she first came in I owned a shop but I was still appointment only, the only way you could get tattooed by me at the time was referral or asking for me directly. When Danielle came in she was looking around the shop and I happened to be out front and asked if he needed anything. She said she was looking for someone who did dark tattoos because she wanted a rotting wolf head with a dagger in its skull and also a bat skull with a rose covered in blood. I was completely into it, and said that I was likely the person she was looking for. We did a quick consult which resulted in us talking about black metal and I asked her what was her favorite black metal band, she replied “Carpathian Forest, that saxophone!” So obviously we hit it off. After she left I apologized to one of my artists because technically anything that walks through the door without asking directly for me should have gone to him, but even he said “that was definitely a Nick Filth client”.

During her tattoo I set up my iPad so we could watch horror compilations done by The Whore Church. We talked about metal, art, horror movies and veganism. She was also an artist who worked in different mediums and was a vegan chef.

Recently in my new private studio she emailed me asking if I remembered her and asked “I was wondering if you would be interested in a back piece with a sexy, satanic, 1960s psychedelic, stoner ,doom-metal witch. If you’re interested”. My response “seriously that’s the coolest email I’ve gotten in years. So basically you want me to tattoo everything I like? Got it!”

This time in a more intimate setting we laid out her backpiece while being able to listen to music we liked. After appointments we would email each other links to bands we had talked about or listened to during our sessions. Most specifically I remember her favorite band I showed her was “The Moon Lay Hidden Beneath a Cloud” a mid 90’s Neo-folk martial industrial band, as I knew she was a fan of Death In June and Current 93.

She was living in Boston and didn’t have a car, she would take the train to Durham NH and then take an uber into town, then uber back to the train station and back to Boston and work the next day. She did long sessions, never complained, talked the whole time and accomplished more in three sessions than people I have been tattooing in a year. She was an incredibly strong and dedicated person.

Unfortunately after her third session I received a message from Danielle’s mom that Danielle had passed away suddenly. I remember I was in bed, and I shot up and yelled. My mind couldn’t accept it, I reread the message thinking I was tired and not reading it properly. I then went to Danielle’s instagram thinking there would be some evidence that she was still alive. I found her Facebook and continued searching for some clue that her mom was wrong. Yet it was true, Danielle had passed.

In 2020, I lost my business, I was betrayed by my business partner and employee and along with it I lost my entire social scene and friends. During the months that followed and me having to relocate my business; my cat died. Seeing my cat Wheeze be euthanized was the last time I cried. I still feel that the catastrophe of my life due to my business partner robbed me of my ability to grieve for one of my closest friends, Wheeze. Since that moment I haven’t shed a tear, even when my friend and tattooer Jeff D passed I didn’t cry at his funeral. I thought I would never cry again.

The news of Danielle’s passing broke me. Every night from the message her mom sent me I would break down in tears. Painful and deep sadness was unlocked and tears for Danielle came. I would seem to cry in the middle of the day, I would look at her backpiece stencil taped to the wall of my studio and I would feel it coming. I moved her stencil away from the others, when I touched her stencil it felt as if I was touching her skin. My studio is covered in these stencils but the gravity of her life seemed to be attached still. Her backpiece being unfinished haunted me, I felt as though she was robbed. I knew I needed to complete it in some way, for her.

This print is a result of Danielle’s life, it exists solely because of her. I accomplished it in her name so she can live on in this form and be on the walls of studios and homes like the artist she was. The print is measured to precisely be the exact size of her actual backpiece, and I accompanied the design with a quote by the band Carpathian Forest, in honor of how we bonded.

20”x33” Giclee print on cold press natural paper

Signed by artist.

Archival, acid free, %100 cotton rag, 340 GSM weight paper with a natural textured finish